Reading about one of my white-as-shit former co-worker’s recent trip to India.
She was sent there to learn “leadership skills”. As in, the experience of travelling to a third-world country as someone from a first-world country would be a “leadership experience”.

Is it just me or is that insanely problematic?

It May Be No One Should Be Opened: This coworker who sits opposite me munches obnoxiously on carrots all...

roadsidelions:

This coworker who sits opposite me munches obnoxiously on carrots all fucking day. I have two days left here, and it’s the Number One Thing I Won’t Miss. It’s all she ever eats. Every day she brings in a bag of carrots and sits there eating them, except she munches on them with her mouth open and…

FUCK YOU CARROTS, THIS IS A SAFE SPACE.

Played 7 times [Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Now that my pizza is here I’m singing All The Wine by The National except:

ALL THE PIZZA IS ALL FOR ME
ALL THE PIZZA IS ALL FOR ME, YES
ALL THE PIZZA IS ALLLLL FOR MEEEEE

I’m not good at the internet

Because answering questions designed to provide the basis for an interesting post privately.

Waiting for Pizza

If any of my few but valued followers have any burning questions NOW IS THE TIME to ask, because WHERE IS MY PIZZA.

Crash courses in using Garage Band to arrange farts into beautiful sonatas. Apply within.　

So, I was in court yesterday appealing a driver’s license suspension. It went well, instead of being suspended from driving for 3 months (which is a standard suspension in Australia when you’re a fucking idiot doing 147km/h on the Sydney-Newcastle freeway) I’m only getting 4 weeks.

I’m not sure if it was shortened

a) Because I have a good driving record
b) Because I had good character references
c) Because everyone else in the court was a complete fucking nutbag

WHY YOU DO THIS OVEN I JUST WANT THE FOODS IN MY MOUTH

last night, after spending the day at the orange grove farmer’s market, and watching toddlers & tiaras (just to make a dent in that trash quota) Lindsay and I settled in to watch “Game Change” - which if you haven’t seen it is a docudrama/mockumentary type film about Sarah Palin. Watch it, it’s interesting.

During the movie I whipped up some sara lee peanut brittle ice cream in waffle cones, which for obvious reasons are the highlight of this post. Recommended.

So, if one more middle-aged IT salesperson uses the words “sexy”or “turned on” to describe computer equipment, I’m going to totally fucking lose it and paint the walls in here with their blood and tears.

I swear I’m going to catch these fuckers grinding up against a projector or some shit one day.